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Windmill

  I have been a very typical good student since I was a child, and there are countless numbers of me in every city and every school. We may look different and have different families, but there are so many similarities in us that I sometimes wonder: when the soul falls to the ground, does it split into countless pieces?
  My mother always thought I was crazy and whimsical, always focusing on “useless” things. But no matter what my mother thinks of my wild thoughts, it will still quietly hide in my heart, and in the dead of night, it will bloom like fireworks in my mind.
  The classmates around me also have a lot of similarities with me: we are all anxious a few days before the test, and the more important the test is, the more nervous; The result has long been immutable. However, we still enjoyed it. Especially when the classmates form a small circle to discuss the exam questions, no matter how big the contradictions are on weekdays, they will disappear, and we will instantly become comrades in the trenches.
  When the grades come down, I will hold my chest and let out a sigh of relief, with an unconcealed smile on my face. There are countless thoughts in my heart, but there is only one central thought: “Why don’t I let my parents know about this? Yay!” My ambitions were not very big, at least for a long time, my learning goal was to maintain an upper-middle ranking, to be able to pass the parent-teacher meeting, and my parents would not reprimand me for my grades. I was like a rabbit looking around on the grassland, and I was very satisfied as long as there was a small circle of safety around me.
  Unfortunately, the rabbit will eventually grow up, its safe area will gradually expand, and danger will follow. When I was in elementary school, I easily became an excellent student. When I got to junior high school, I needed to put in several times of effort to keep from falling down the rankings. When I entered high school, let alone all excellent students, even if I needed to achieve excellence in one course, I would do my best. Fortunately, there are more and more of my kind, and everyone seems to live on the grasslands, putting on a thick layer of protective color for themselves. Every time the exam is approaching, everyone will communicate with each other, and inform those students who have poor luck in the exam, so that they can escape the catastrophe of the parent-teacher conference.
  In this way, I have grown up to the age where I don’t have to worry about parent-teacher meetings, and no one will linger by my side and warn me: “Study hard, otherwise…” Wearing a protective look, I signed up for interdisciplinary majors with my classmates. Taking the exam, I thought to myself: “The exam, how many times have I experienced it since I was a child, it
  ’s no big deal!” With this mentality, it was not until two months before the exam that I started to review the book and prepare for the surprise attack. After reading the book for a long time, an unprecedented fear appeared in my heart “suddenly”: “Oops, I can’t seem to finish it!” I tried to ask my roommate for help, and the roommate patted the picture that had already been put away. The textbook, he answered me confidently: “There is nothing difficult in the world, as long as you are willing to give up!” I bit my lip, although I am timid and lacking in opinion, but just give up like this? I curled my lips, and a wave surged in my heart. The impulse to give up with the same name intersected. For a while, the mountains roared and tsunami turned cloudy and rainy.
  I still did not give up, holding a trace of fantasy, with a trace of unwillingness. From that day on, I set a reminder for the alarm clock before 6:00 in the morning, and I would turn off the lights at 11:00 every night before going to bed. Before falling asleep, I would also look at the knowledge points recorded on my mobile phone.
  The closer the exam period is, the more I look like a dormant volcano that is about to recover, and the pressure accumulated in just one month is crumbling. I tried to express myself, but couldn’t find an outlet, and finally the volcano erupted. When the sound of my roommate chatting and typing on the mechanical keyboard interrupted my train of thought for the third time, I stood up and shouted at my roommate desperately like a firecracker. At that time, my eyes were red, and my ears were hot. After I roared out the anger in my chest, I sat on the ground and cried.
  I know it’s my fault, but I don’t want to admit it. The only thing I can do is to hide my weakness by crying. The bedroom was very quiet, and there was a fluffy touch around my face, a stack of tissues. He squatted down loosely, wrapped his arms around my shoulders, patted and patted quietly, comforting me as if he was comforting a small animal.
  ”Mian, it’s just an exam. Why do you force yourself into this? Even if you fail the exam, there is still next year. Will the exam be canceled next year, or are you just going to stay this year?”
  ”Everyone knows now that I’m studying for the exam. If I haven’t passed the exam, I can’t do it at all…” I muttered, suddenly thinking of the rabbit on the grassland. It turns out that I have been wearing my protective color all the time, and I am afraid It’s not a parent-teacher meeting, it’s a public failure, and there’s not even a chance to hide it.
  ”It doesn’t exist!” Song Song rubbed my hair and said, “Those who care about your hard work and your grades are those who care about you. How can we laugh at your failures? We just think, sleep like this. If you work hard, it must be because the exam is too difficult, you don’t perform well, you have bad luck, or you don’t have enough breakfast, and you won’t deny you.”
  “Because it’s you…”
  “Because we care about you, if we don’t care about you If you don’t remember now, how many people know that you are going to take the test?” Song Song interrupted me and said it in one breath.
  I was stunned, yes, only my roommates and parents know, so what am I afraid of? Fear of unknown ridicule, fear of exclusion that does not exist, fear of the courage to do it all over again.
  That night, instead of reviewing, I had a great meal with my roommates and apologized generously. When I lay down at night, throwing away the review materials, the fatigue of the past month was gone, the future was like the starry sky after the heavy rain, clearly visible, and an inexplicable confidence swelled in my chest – I can.
  Some people say that Don Quixote is a madman, he treats the windmill as a giant, and he is full of wounds without hesitation; some people say that Don Quixote is a warrior, knowing that he is invincible, he still rushed up.
  The windmill that Don Quixote saw was an invincible giant in his eyes, and it was also a windmill in my eyes, but I was cowardly holding back, lest the people of the Lamanche Autonomous Region would laugh at it after the failure. But even Don Quixote, the people of Lamancho Autonomous Region tolerated him with the most tolerant attitude, tolerated his adventures, believed in his willfulness, and the terrifying giant at that time would return to its truest form—— Just a windmill.

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