The Loneliness of Middle Age

　　In the park, a balding, stocky man was talking on the phone as he walked. The attitude and tone are extremely anxious and humble, no, it is carefully cursing.
　　He obviously called his son’s friend or classmate: “Who am I and so-and-so’s dad, has he been with you recently? I found that he didn’t talk when he came home recently. I don’t know if they have dinner together recently. Are you Good friend, he might tell you the truth…”
　　Probably: the son is at home, depressed, silent, without the cheerful and intimacy of the past. I was worried that something would happen to him, so I wanted to get some information from a third party, my son’s buddies.
　　Many parents have this kind of sudden loss and loneliness. The children are no longer as caring and talkative as they were when they were young. They used to talk about a lot of interesting things about school or their own mood after returning home… Now it has become a little strange. Too lazy to communicate with parents. “I went to work”, “I’m back”, “what’s for dinner today”…there are no such phrases anymore.
　　People are actually lonely, especially after they have self-awareness. And the loneliness of middle-aged people, especially the loneliness of “middle-aged people”, I personally feel particularly strong. For example, at my age, few elders have left, and my parents have been away for more than ten or twenty years, and I am exposed to death, naked, without a firewall, without a moat… Do something delicious,
　　suddenly Thinking of my parents, my heart hurts; I have a difficulty in my heart, but when I look back, there is no one to talk about. Then look at the people around you, especially the children, who have grown up and have their own world, or go further and further away, and gradually can only look at their backs. This is the loneliness of middle-aged people, and they don’t stick to each other. The old ones are gone, and the young ones are far away. Coupled with the decline of one’s own charm, the social interaction that might have been both sides has also fallen into depression, and the autumn wind is rustling. Suddenly, I felt that the whole world was saying goodbye to me. The consciousness of “passing away” became stronger and stronger, life was meaningless, and I began to fall into nothingness and confusion, like a plucked chicken, at a loss, embarrassed, and bewildered.
　　Loneliness is a kind of bone-chilling coolness, and loneliness is the beginning of one’s own weakness.
　　I was shopping downstairs just now, and the proprietress was so annoyed by an old lady customer that she snatched the banana from the old man’s hand: this one is no longer for sale.
　　I know that old lady, she should be over 80 years old, with a cane that can stand on her feet. She may be a little demented, and the nearby shops don’t welcome her very much. For example, when she buys half a catty of mung beans at the grain and oil store, she will pick one by one for more than 3 hours, and the boss’s family feels sleepy.
　　The proprietress of the fruit and vegetable shop was annoyed because she broke off bananas one by one and didn’t want them anymore. Then the old lady smiled and said, “It hurts, it hurts, it hurts to death”, and people who have never seen pain smiled. The proprietress quickly asked her to sit on the stool for a while. At this time, the old man suddenly said, “My daughter is older than you…” The proprietress answered the question with a bit of disgust 　　:
　　”I will not be your daughter!”
Her husband has a monthly pension of 20,000 to 30,000 yuan, and the nanny was pissed off by her. Daughter is in America. So what if you have money?
　　When the old lady said “My daughter is older than you”, I felt a pain in my heart. She must take out her daughter from time to time to “contrast” with all the women she meets. In her inner world, it seems that there are only children, and even if the children are not in the United States, the daughter is still her daughter, and she is hers.
　　Buddhism says that children only come to this world through the mother’s womb, so don’t expect too much from the overlapping part of life.
　　However, after all, human beings are fleshly bodies without the wisdom of Buddha. If they have feelings, they will be bound, resentful and lonely.
　　It seems that my current “middle age” loneliness is not the most tragic. As you get older, it gets darker.
　　Prepare some light and courage, and keep your eyes closed or Yunjuanyunshu when you are older. Although it is impossible to become more and more courageous with setbacks, for the rest of your life, you must become more and more courageous.