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Poisoning

  July 28
  Today I met Eddie’s older brother. Eddie’s eldest brother has flower willow disease. I know about it because Eddie told me one by one a few weeks ago. I saw him on the waterfront, leaning his motorcycle outside the bowling alley. But I didn’t see the poison doing him any harm. He looked tanned and healthy. Obviously, the onset of toxicity takes time.
  I checked my dick carefully when I got home. Eddie thinks you’ll get schistosomiasis even if you don’t fuck around. But I still look fine. Not sure if Eddie got it from his brother.
  July 29
  Maybe my mom thinks she’s using her bedroom phone instead of the downstairs living room phone, and I can’t hear what she’s talking about. In fact, as long as I’m in the room, I can hear her clearly. Last night, I heard her say over and over again, “Bitch, bum, bum!” Although she didn’t shout out loud, she must have wanted to and would have done it as long as I wasn’t home. The day before yesterday, my mother went out with him and came back with a big bruise under the eye.
  My mother is not a little girl anymore. About a month ago, I was thinking, well, maybe she still is. Because she went to braid her hair and bought these boots and these red pants. Actually you can see my mom has a big ass. So I thought, uh, if she wasn’t my mom, I’d definitely think she was a little girl. But now, I don’t think so. She is really too old.
  August 1
  Today , my mother was out all day again. I don’t mind being home alone. Actually, I’m not alone because I have Naomi with me. I think it’s been almost a year since I found her in the alley, when she was wrapped up in that wad of newspapers. Now she has really grown up. Slim figure, dark hair, is a beautiful cat.
  I remember letting her follow me all the way to school after I found her. At first I thought it was fine, but then a group of boys, led by Dave Atkinson, caught Naomi on the school playground and threw her around, threw her in the air and caught her, and it went back and forth. They later dumped her in the bathroom. I was also beaten up by them that day. Now I never let her go to school with me again.
  I’m used to being beaten. The guys at school are all jerks. Except for Eddie. He is the only one I like. But Eddie thinks he already has a girlfriend. He thought he was dating that fourth-grade girl, Samantha Kendall.
  I keep thinking that after school starts, I don’t want to go to school anymore. I don’t know if my mother will force me to go. She used to be terribly harsh on me, but not anymore. Now, she always comes home late and doesn’t care what I do at all.
  August
  4 Sitting in the garden from morning to night is really boring. Naomi isn’t as fun as he was when he’s grown up. Now, she either sits on the sidelines or wanders around. She only comes to me when she is hungry. She ignores me like that, which I think is a bit too much. I guess I’ll have to starve it for a few days to see how she reacts.
  I thought maybe Eddie would come today, but he didn’t. Now, after he had a girlfriend, he never came back. I don’t know if I’ll ever go back to school. It’s boring not to go to school.
  August 5 I didn’t feed Naomi all day
  today . It keeps coming to me, but I just ignore it. It really deserves it. She thought it was right for me to feed it, she really shouldn’t. If it weren’t for me, she would still be rolled up in newspapers and abandoned in the alley.
  I found a key in a drawer in the kitchen that just opened the utility room door. I went in and looked. Most of it is my dad’s stuff. Books, boxes, things like that. Books are not very good, I see pornographic magazines stacked in one corner, they are all outdated. That’s obvious, because those women all have ridiculous hairstyles, and they don’t show their genitals at all. I took a few magazines and went out to the garden to read them for hours.
  August 9
  The last few days have not been so boring. I found a game that I can play with Naomi. This game is very simple, I just tie a rope around her neck and put some food in her bowl. When she goes to get food, I suddenly pull on the rope and she can’t touch the food. , at this time, she will make bursts of screams. After a while, I usually take the food away and put it in the refrigerator. Better keep her hungry, or she won’t play this game with me. I was out in the garden looking through magazines, and when I got a little bored, I went back to the kitchen, got food out of the fridge, and played the game with her again. Better to choose a long rope worthy of the name and wait until she is really hungry. Because as soon as you let go of the rope, she rushes to the bowl, because she knows that once the rope is tightened, she will have to be dragged back obediently.
  These magazines are nice, even though they don’t show pubes. I’m curious if any of these girls have the same disease as Eddie’s big brother. A few must have been infected, because they must all be prostitutes or strippers. They didn’t look like they could, but Eddie’s brother didn’t look like he could either. It takes a while for the toxicity to strike you.
  Today I took a closer look at my dick again. It still looks fine.
  August 10
  My mother cried very sadly again last night. She was on the phone endlessly. During this period, she would sob loudly and keep saying “please, please, please”. While saying sorry, she kept crying. My mom didn’t cry that much in the past, but recently I heard her cry at every turn. When I saw her this morning, her eyes were so swollen. I don’t want her to stay in the house all the time, so I keep asking her when she’s going out to see her John. She said she had to clean the house first, which was so dirty. She started giving orders, asking me to do this and that, and asking if I had fed the cat. I said I did because I wanted to play games with Naomi as soon as she was out. I asked her again when she was going to see John, and she yelled, asking me to take care of my own affairs, and then went upstairs. She started talking on the phone again, and after a while she walked downstairs gracefully and said she was going out.
  She was right, the house was so disgusting. There are cobwebs and clutter everywhere.
  August 11
  I’m not quite sure if I really want to do that. You are always poisoned unknowingly. It’s like picking mushrooms. It is very dangerous to eat mushrooms after picking them, because some mushrooms are toadstools, and they are poisonous when eaten.
  August 13 Something happened
  this afternoon, and I’ve been feeling weird since then. This feeling is really hard to describe. I was in the kitchen, playing that game with Naomi, pulling the rope around her neck to keep her one step away from the food, when the doorbell rang. I was really taken aback and didn’t know what to do. Just dumbfounded there. Naomi was still clawing at the rope. The doorbell rang again, so I walked over to open the door. Two tall Americans stood at the door. They kept laughing and the man who spoke asked if my mom was there. I said she wasn’t there and he looked at his friend and he must be winking because he turned around and told me about Jesus and how they went around telling people about God’s salvation . I told them they should talk to my mom about this kind of thing, and they closed the door. When I got back to the kitchen, Naomi was eating like crazy. I was so furious that I rushed over, grabbed the rope tied to her neck, and lifted her straight up, letting her hang in the air. That was really scary because I was hanging her high up in the air, almost as high as my face. She turned her whole body around to face me. The sun shines on her face impartially, so that her eyes no longer look like ordinary eyes, but glitter like two thick sheets of glass. That was horrible, I just dumped her. At that time, I felt a shiver all over my body, so I immediately went into the garden. The wind was blowing hard today, and the grass was covered with magazines.

  August 14
  Last night my mom kept yelling, “I hate you, hate you, hate you!” She seemed to forget I was home too and I could hear her shouting. Then she started screaming, “Stop laughing, you fucking bastard, stop laughing.” This was followed by a barrage of yelling about how much she hated him. But when I saw her this morning, she looked as calm as ever, and asked me to clean up the guest room and toss everything in the utility room. I asked her what this was for, and she said John was moving in, but this room was for his daughter Carol, who was also moving in with us. Mom told me to get it sorted by six o’clock, and went out as soon as I finished speaking. I think John must be sleeping in the same room as my mother. I think they must be doing that.
  August 14th at 1 pm
  I have put all the miscellaneous things in the utility room and the room is ready. There really isn’t much work to do. Mom said Carol was sixteen. This age is a little too old for me.
  I searched for more magazines there, because I’ve read the old magazines back and forth almost thirty times, and I can’t find a new one. But I did find this pot of herbicide, so I took out the test tube I stole from school earlier and filled it up. I’m not very sure, but I feel like nine times out of ten it’s poison. That’s why this room is always tightly locked. Because there are poisons hidden there.
  It’s only one o’clock and I want to read these magazines again. I don’t want to play that game with Naomi anymore, not after yesterday.
  August 14th at 5:20 pm
  I did a lot of things all afternoon. First, I killed Naomi. Here’s how I did it: I tethered her to one end of the rope as I always did, and tied her to the table leg. I prepared her food and put it on the floor. She went round and round the table, entangling herself, and I had to tell her to go round and round in reverse so that the rope could be undone. I put the bowl away and went to the garden. At about three o’clock I came back and took the bowl out. Then I poured the contents of the test tube into the cat food. After a little mixing, the mixture disappeared. Then I went back to the kitchen and put the bowl in front of Naomi when she was so hungry she was meowing and pulling on the rope. I took a pair of scissors and cut the leash, and she ran straight for the bowl. She devoured it, stopped after a while, turned and left. Cats are very smart. As soon as they are poisoned, they know it.
  I looked at her fixedly because I didn’t know if she had absorbed enough of the poison or how long it would take for the drug to take effect. First, she crouched down, and then she made that ridiculous noise. The whirring sound was like that of a bus parked at a bus stop. Then she walked towards the door and grabbed the door frame with her claws. Then, she lay down on her side and continued to grab the door. I could clearly see her ribs go up and down. Then she stood up again, making less of a cat’s usual sound than a bird’s chirping. At this moment, spit was flowing from her mouth. The spit was gray and sticky, and spat out on the tiled floor. Then more spit poured out. I bent down and wanted to take a closer look, but I saw something weird, little things floating around. She lay down on her side again, kicking her hind legs up. Her eyes looked weird too, I thought they were looking at me. Suddenly, her eyes closed, her hind legs kicked a few more times, and then she didn’t move.
  I kept my eyes on her until I was sure she wasn’t twitching anymore. I took a newspaper and spread it out on the ground. I grabbed her by the fur and picked her up because I didn’t want to touch her too much and put her on the newspaper. I tried to grab the newspaper by its two corners and lift it whole, but one end slipped and Naomi fell straight to the ground. So I had to go under the sink and find a supermarket plastic bag. The bag was a little dirty, I looked inside and saw a strange yellow liquid at the bottom. I tried to wrap the whole bag over her, but it didn’t work. So I had to grab Naomi by the hair again, pick her up, and clumsily toss her into the bag. She twisted and fell in. When I lifted the plastic bag, the yellow liquid in the bag leaked from the bottom little by little, leaving splotches on the floor.
  While I was mopping, I left the bag in the same alley where I had found Naomi. On the way, I felt something on my leg. The liquid in the bag was still oozing out little by little and dripping onto my jeans. Now that it’s all done, I don’t think I can see it anymore. When I first got home, the house smelled a little weird, but it doesn’t smell anymore.
  August 19
  I really like Carol’s back. I have been standing at the window watching her. She was walking around the garden, fondling the rosebuds by the fence. Usually she wears a bikini, but today she was wearing clothes. She looks so pretty from the back. He had long, black hair and a slim figure. But I don’t like her face, her face gives me a creepy feeling. She wears a pair of round glasses that she won’t even take off while sunbathing. She pouted her nose slightly, looking very arrogant. But I don’t really care about all this. It’s just her face that I don’t like to see. Because this face reminds me of something. Because, I have seen this face before.
  August 20
  Now I’m not home alone anymore. I can’t go downstairs because my mom and John are downstairs. I can’t go into the garden because she’s there. She is Carol. I have a few magazines tucked under my bed, but these are kind of boring to read now.
  My mom came into my room yesterday and started scolding me for not talking to John. She still whispered to me at first, pointing her finger at me because she couldn’t shout. Then, someone came upstairs, she gave me such a glance and went out. I still don’t speak to John. I do not like him. He was tall and burly and seemed to be waiting for me to make a mistake at any moment so he could scold me.
  I was standing on the landing one morning and my mother was yelling at me in the bedroom to bring tea to her and John upstairs. I know John doesn’t usually eat sugar, so I put a tablespoon in his tea. When I got to the door, I heard my mom yell at me not to push the door, but to put the tray on the door. I pretended not to hear and went straight in. They were both lying naked on the bed, and John had tattoos on his arms and chest. My mom told me to just put the tray down and get out.
  August 21
  I will never get up before twelve o’clock. It’s not worth it, there’s nothing to do when you get up. By the time I got up, Carol was sunbathing outside. I like to stand at the window and stare at her. As long as I stand back a little bit, she won’t even notice that I’m looking at her. She lay on the grass, often with a few books beside her, and was always sleeping. Her nipples were big, maybe not as big as some girls in magazines, and her skin was tanned, but she never took off her glasses.
  Carol came in from the garden yesterday while I was making tea in the downstairs kitchen. She walked in and looked straight at me. I shuddered and couldn’t even look her face in the face. Because I now know where I’ve seen this face before.

  August 22 I was woken up in the middle of the night
  last night because my mom was yelling at John as she always does on the phone. John was laughing. He just kept laughing and laughing, and Mom kept babbling. “You bastard, you bastard!” she babbled and cried. Then, my mother came out of the room and went into the bathroom. She was there for a long time, and I wondered what she was doing in there. Finally, John opened the bedroom door and shouted, “Ouch!” It was really loud, as if he didn’t care about affecting the rest of the house. “Ouch,” he called again. “Come back, you. Didn’t you hear me calling you?” It sounded like my mom was a dog or something. As for my mom, she just came out of the bathroom and walked back down the aisle, and I could hear her sobbing. “Come in!” he said, closing the bedroom door and everything was calm again. Carol’s room was on the other side of the aisle. I don’t know if she heard anything.
  Aug. 23
  Carol looks like she’s been asleep the whole time, but it’s really weird, like she knows when I stare at her. Today, for example, when I got up and walked to the window, she was lying down in the garden. But as soon as I got to the window, she rolled over and lay on her back. It looked as if she had been asleep all the time, but in fact she kept making small movements. For example, she spreads her legs, then closes them again. And she kept stretching her back, as if lying on the bed was terribly uncomfortable. But she looked as if she had been asleep the whole time.
  August 24
  I went to the garden with Carol today, but now I’m back in my room. While I was in the kitchen, she came to me and asked me to lie down on the grass with her. I lay on my stomach so she wouldn’t notice my erection. After a while, I was very relaxed and gradually enjoyed the feeling of lying there. She asked me about school, what I was doing all vacation and things like that. But later, she changed the subject and talked about cats. She asked me if I like cats, if I think cats are better than dogs, if I think cats are smarter than dogs. Then she asked, “You had one before, didn’t you?” That’s what she said. No, I told her, I’ve never had a cat, and I don’t want to. But she said, “I think you raised it. Your mother said it.” So I said, oh yeah, I forgot. She asked how I could possibly forget even such a thing. I said, that doesn’t count as having a cat at all, because it’s now lost. Through that little round lens, she kept looking at me. I felt a shudder all over my body, so I went back to my room. She’s still out, but I don’t want to see her at all.
  August 28
  My mom and John are out a lot now. I thought that would be great because then I could lay on the grass with Carol and play our games. She let me touch her whole body. I stroked her gently and she enjoyed it very much. Sometimes, she was lying on the grass with no top on at all, and her entire back could be exposed to the sun. She likes my hands on her back, but she never lets me hit the nail on the head. Sometimes I would stroke her high buttocks, and every time I could feel the twitching of her buttocks, it was like I couldn’t help myself. My dick suddenly hardened and I felt a dull pain. At this time, she suddenly stopped all movements and pushed me away. Then she wouldn’t let me touch her. She told me to leave quickly or tell her dad that I was plotting something wrong, so I went back to my room obediently. Every time she sees me doing what I say, she smiles with satisfaction.
  August 29
  Eddie says he fucked Samantha Kendall, but I don’t believe it. He kept saying it was great and they were going to do it again. I saw him when I went to the newsstand in the square. I really wanted to ask him why he didn’t come to my house anymore, but in the end I didn’t say anything. Because he is not what he used to be now. I think when he said he fucked Samantha, that was pure nonsense.
  August 30
  Carol rambled about my mom today, so I’ve stopped talking to her. She is simply a coward. She said that because my mother was already old and she felt that no one but her father would want to rape her, so he could do whatever he wanted to her. Then she said, I don’t know the truth at all, I don’t know what my mother had been doing before going to their house: she and John had been in bed all afternoon. I told Carol to shut up, but she kept chattering in my ear, smirking all the time. I said it was all nonsense, but she chuckled and said I must know it was true. Then she babbled again that once at their house, there was a lot of noise, and my mother was locked out of the bedroom naked. I told her it was nonsense. She still kept talking about how my mom was kneeling outside the door, beating the door, crying and begging, while her dad stayed in the room laughing and didn’t let my mom in for a long time. I got up and went back to my room, and Carol was still laughing, saying there were more things to tell me, worse things than that. She is simply a coward.
  September 2
  My mom and John went to Margate all day today. That means Carol and I have an entire afternoon to play games. After an hour of frolic between the two of us, I suddenly touched her tits. I thought she was going to sit up right away to stop the game, but she continued to lie down and let me pet her as much as she wanted. She put a hand on my T-shirt and swam over me. So, I tried to put my hand into her shorts when suddenly she pressed her nails hard into my stomach. It hurts so much, I screamed and turned around. There are spots around the navel. “Why did you do that?” I asked her. Then she sat up, looked at me and said, “You were so naughty just now. I have to get revenge on you.” That’s what she said. “I have to get revenge on you.” I looked at her, the sun was setting behind her, shining on her lenses, I couldn’t see her eyes, only two shining circles, she smiled at me Said: “I have to get revenge on you.”
  September 3
  I’d better start from the beginning, or else I’ll leave something behind. So I’d better start when I get up at about eleven o’clock. I went to the window to see Carol, but this time she wasn’t outside. I get dressed, go to the bathroom, and take a good look at my penis. I could hear my mom and John laughing downstairs. When I came out of the bathroom, I saw Carol’s door was left open. I tiptoed over and peered through the crack of the door. She opened the curtains slightly, and the sun shone through the gap. You can see dust flying around. Carroll lay on her back on the mattress, naked. Her blanket wrapped around her legs as if kicked away in her sleep in the middle of the night. At this time, the sun happened to shine on her glasses again, and I couldn’t see her eyes. But I think she’s asleep because her head is tilted slightly to one side and her mouth is slightly open. I looked at her carefully, she looked much better than the dusty women in the magazines. After a while, the sunlight changed a little, and I could finally see her eyes. I found that she was staring at me the whole time. I was overwhelmed and froze there. She kept staring at me, which was weird because her head was still on one side and her mouth was still slightly open, like she was dead, but she was still staring straight at me. horrible. Then, her arms moved, her hands slowly moved to her legs, and she slowly pulled the blanket up to her chin. Then she smiled and said to me, “Why don’t you bring me a cup of coffee?” I don’t know what I said, I can’t remember. I think I must have been standing there thinking about her words. Then she said, “Come on, make me a cup of coffee,” she said with a smile.

  I have coffee ready in no time. While making coffee in the kitchen, I could hear my mom and John laughing in the living room. I went upstairs and brought the coffee to Carol. The first thing she said when she saw me was to close the door. She took the cup and sat up. The blanket slid down to her waist, her nipples dangling there, bobbing as she drank coffee. I gently stroked the side of her body. She smiled slightly and took another sip. I stroked her breasts, very gently at first, then squeezed hard. She took a deep breath and giggled. I continued to stroke, and her arms immediately wrapped around my head and my neck. I leaned over to her, stroked her hard, and she took deep breaths and started kissing me, tsk tsk my face. I wanted to kiss her back, but I bumped my head against her glasses, so I simply wanted to take off her glasses, but she pushed my hand away. I felt she was untying my belt, so I squeezed her nipples, she was breathing more and more, she was taking off my jeans. Her mouth was right next to my ear, and I could hear her heavy breathing. Whenever I rub her nipples, she murmurs, “Oh, it’s cool, it’s cool. It’s cool!” She says, “I gotta get my revenge on you, it’s cool, I gotta get my revenge on you. ‘ she said as she took off my shorts and touched my cock. I understand what she’s talking about, but it’s too late. I had slid into her, her legs wrapped around me, whispering in my ear that she wanted revenge on me. At this moment, the body that appeared in the magazine, Eddie’s big brother, and all the poison that entered her body, swirled in circle and circle. I tried my best to break free, but she held her tighter and tighter, pressing herself down against me, and I could really feel the poison circulating in my body. Suddenly, she stopped, as if something suddenly poked into her internal organs. She made a strange sound from the depths of her throat. I slowly crawled away from her, and she pushed me away, trying to get up. She staggered to the door, then curled up as if something had pierced her again. She came to the door, covered her mouth, and vomited. She reluctantly opened the door, and I heard her walk to the landing below, and the bathroom door slammed shut. I pulled up my shorts and jeans and walked to the door. I could hear her making weird vomit noises there. I tiptoed out of the room, down to the landing, all the way to the bathroom door. Between vomiting, she sometimes made strange noises, and sometimes twitched. Then her voice grew louder, as if someone were trying to strangle her. Then I heard footsteps behind me and my mother followed John upstairs Come. “What the hell is going on?” John asked, and I shrugged that Carol was throwing up in the bathroom. John shoved me away and banged on the door. Carol was quiet at this point. John hammered the door again, trying to open it. The door was unlocked, but it seemed to be stuck with something. He pushed aside a little and exclaimed, “Oh, God!” My mother took a look and exclaimed, “Oh, God!” At this time, there was really a strong smell of vomiting. My mom turned around and told me to hurry up and call an ambulance. Then she and John tried to open the door wider. I just stood there in a daze, my mom turned around and yelled at me, telling me to hurry up and call an ambulance.
  I started going downstairs slowly. They didn’t notice me being unhurried because they were all squeezing into the bathroom. I went downstairs and hummed, because I didn’t want her to die, because I didn’t want to worry, because I really didn’t want her to die. I didn’t want to kill her at all, I never wanted her life, I had to, I really don’t want her to die, I want her to be my girlfriend, so we can do that and love each other, I never wanted her to die.

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