Every Chinese child starts learning various courses from a very young age.
They learned English, Mathematical Olympiad, piano, and dance. They defeated opponents one after another and received certificates one after another.
However, the most important skill they have not learned is to “love yourself.”
Loving yourself sounds very simple. In the eyes of many people, “loving yourself” is nothing more than being nice to yourself.
However, “loving yourself” is not as simple as people think. It is even a skill that requires hard work to acquire.
To learn to love yourself, a person must overcome at least these three hurdles.
The first hurdle is to accept yourself .
When talking about the topic of “loving yourself”, we first have to talk about “accepting yourself”.
In the book “The Burnout Society”, the Korean-German philosopher Han Byung-chul mentioned the concept of “merit society”. What is a merit society?
This concept first appeared after World War II. Han Bingzhe believed that merit society and disciplinary society are different.
It gets rid of the negativity of disciplinary society and has strong positive attributes. People are immersed in the atmosphere of affirmative sentences of “Yes, I can”.
To put it figuratively, the merit society is a variety of project plans that require “writing weekly plans every week, monthly plans every month, and annual plans every year.”
Merit society is also a spontaneous action of “How efficient are you when you wake up at five o’clock in the morning?” “If you insist on exercising for an hour every day, your body will become thinner.” It is also an intrinsic motivation for people to encourage themselves to become better.
The merit society seems to be full of positive energy, but in fact it reveals a lack of acceptance of the true self.
Because they are dissatisfied with themselves and cannot accept themselves as they are now, people will continue to pursue “better”, “I can” and the ideal self in their minds.
You don’t accept your current figure and think you are not white, thin, or beautiful, so you work hard to become whiter, thinner, and more beautiful.
You don’t accept yourself as you are now, so you keep pushing yourself and telling yourself that you can become better.
Being good is not a bad thing, but if you push yourself beyond the limit, then this push can also become a kind of exploitation.
Han Bingzhe said that this is a completely voluntary self-exploitation. He is the one who exploits himself, and he is the one who suffers this kind of exploitation.
Once he is unable to achieve his goals or ideal self, he will carry out a destructive self-condemnation and self-attack on himself.
The first step to loving yourself is to let go of criticism and attacks and accept yourself. Don’t separate your heart from your body, don’t dislike this imperfect self, but try to accept it.
no one is perfect.
There is no end to hard work, and trying to become better by denying oneself will only make the unaccepted self in the heart weaker and helpless. However, it is a part of oneself that people cannot get rid of.
Allowing yourself to be imperfect and accepting your own mediocrity and ordinaryness is the beginning of loving yourself.
Accepting yourself means that you and your true self have begun to become friends. Next, you need to have a conversation to understand what your true self really needs.
Do you know yourself? Do you know what you really need?
Understanding yourself does not mean that you know your last name, how tall you are, and how much you weight. It means that you know who you are, what you want and what you don’t want, and you have a general understanding of your inner needs.
In this day and age, what people often understand is the labeled self—I person or E person? Leo or Sagittarius?
What people often understand is the ideal self – they should have a decent job, fall in love, get married, and have children.
But in fact, what you should do is not the same as what you want to do.
In today’s era, civil servants, teacher editors and career editors have once again become the first choice for many young people to find jobs.
The reason why they choose this way is very simple. They are nothing more than stable jobs and good remuneration. But when you ask them if they really enjoy the job, many people answer no.
They confuse “what they should do” with “what they really want.” Over time, “what they should do” becomes “what they want to do.”
In this case, a new type of boredom has arisen among young people – I know there are many things I can do, but I don’t want to do anything now, but I feel bored.
A casual search on social platforms will turn up a bunch of posts about “what to do when you’re bored.” These posts are basically the same. The answers are nothing more than watching movies, listening to music, reading, and exercising.
But many people still feel bored. Why? The answer is simple, because it’s something meaningful you think you should do, not what you really want to do.
So your subconscious is rejecting you and making you feel bored. However, you are still pursuing the so-called “meaning”.
As everyone knows, deep boredom is the breeding ground for creativity.
The second hurdle to loving yourself is to learn to talk to yourself and understand what you want.
When you don’t want to do something or don’t complete it as planned, don’t blame yourself. Instead, you should learn to talk to yourself and ask yourself:
Why? Why don’t you want to do it? What exactly do you want to do?
The last hurdle to loving yourself is to be the first person to treat yourself well.
Everyone actually has an inner child in their heart. Jung believed that the inner child is born from the subconscious mind and is the inner sub-personality of a person.
Although many people have become adults in terms of biological age, due to their childhood experiences, everyone has desires in their hearts that have never been satisfied.
Being kind to yourself is actually pampering the child inside you, satisfying his desires, and healing his wounds. This is true love for yourself.
There is a video of “I can finally entertain my childhood self” that resonated with many netizens on the Internet.
A netizen bought a box of chocolates that he had always wanted to eat but had never tasted before when he was a child. He thought they were very expensive, but even now when prices are soaring, they only cost more than 20 yuan.
There are many such unmet “children” in the comment area. They are trapped in their unmet needs for many, many years until they grow up and have the ability.
Only then did he become the first person to pamper his inner child and satisfy his inner desire.
Learning to love yourself is not an easy thing.
In this world, everyone is too easily influenced by other people’s values, and many people have lost themselves in the pursuit of meaninglessness.
Love is a kind of ability and an art, especially loving yourself. Only by learning to love yourself can you talk about how to love the world.