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Accompany you through the long years

  He always held my hand, warm and dry. Then I fell into a deep sleep on his shoulder until the daylight turned white.
   001
  The weekend afternoon, the sunlight is thin like lemon juice mixed with too much water. The new movie was released by Marvel and asked me if I wanted to go see it. I looked down and typed, I’m working late tonight. He immediately replied with great understanding, it’s okay, when you are free to talk. After a minute, and then catch up over a, or I help you order a take-out. I sent him the noodles I had just finished eating to see, and only then did the conversation end. And I thought about one thing in my head, what to wear out at night. Is it a dark green cashmere coat, or a creamy beige fox fur coat.
  Yes, I lied. Tonight I’m putting off all work and going out to see an old friend. It’s been a full 5 years since we last saw each other. He sent me a voice, and I listened to it many times. It’s still warm and sticky, without a trace of breath of Mandarin. He called my name, Qin Lan, how are you. This is a simple five words, enough to keep me stunned for a long time.
   002
  The first five minutes before leaving home, I still decided to change into a slightly more mature and elegant dark green coat. The inside with beige underwear, hanging a small diamond embellishment around the neck. No makeup, just a little foundation. I’m trying to create the atmosphere that I’m just free to drop by for an appointment. I thought he would be waiting inside, but he was standing at the entrance of the restaurant bar, waving at me from a distance.
  It was probably because of the cold weather, he put up the collar of his padded jacket, half of his neck huddled inside, and puffed out a white mist when he spoke. He waved at me, and this way, Qinlan. It was like the end of summer when I skipped an afternoon class and ran to his school library to play. He also greeted me in this way, tucked the prepared iced milk tea to me, and prepared his favorite book for me.
  I still remember that it was a thick book with a nice cover of the general history of China. He said, if you are sleepy, you can also lie on it and sleep. I laughed and hit him, he grabbed my hand and made a hush gesture, and I realized for the first time that the university library was so quiet. It was 8:30, the peak dining time. The waiter took us to a corner, a small window table, and we had to squeeze in side by side. There was an unknown band singing jazz in the middle of the bar, and there were no big lights in the whole restaurant, only not very bright spotlights, and a small star-shaped lamp on each tiny table. The atmosphere is ambiguous and confusing. It makes people feel relaxed and safe somehow.
  Look at you, you haven’t changed so much. This was the first thing I said to him after I was seated. He smiled, showing white teeth. He pointed to his eyes, old, you see, have grown wrinkles. I looked down and didn’t say anything, and subconsciously moved my eyes away. I can still feel him probing his gaze, softly said a sentence, I did not expect to see this many years, I can still recognize you from the crowd at once. He had already ordered his food and pushed the hot pizza and chicken wings in front of me. He also asked, “Is it cold, add a hot drink. I hastily shook my head, no need. Then I hurriedly took a big sip of passion fruit ice drink.
   003
  This is the twelfth year that I have known Qi Chu. In my sophomore year, I was 15 years old and he was 19 years old in his junior year. I mistakenly joined a college entrance exam tutoring group. He was teaching math part-time for four hours a week. Later, I couldn’t understand a big question, so he simply added me alone and made a direct video call to check with me step by step. As a result, the topic did not take long to chat, we messed around with nonsense for nearly two hours. Then later I sent him the midterm exam results to see, he was so surprised that his face was green, straight to say that I should not say to others had taken his class, too embarrassing. I was so angry that I didn’t return his message for three days.
  When I thought I would stop contacting him, he suddenly appeared in front of my school. He waved at me from a distance, across the street, to a person I had never seen before, I did not feel strange at all, but very friendly. His eyes were beautiful, clean and clear, with eyelashes fluttering, so you couldn’t help but look at them a few more times.
  He drove me on his bicycle for almost an hour or so to C University. He told me about the origins of the academic buildings along the way. And tell me which canteens are cheap and delicious. The topic went around for a long time, before saying that C University is good everywhere, but the score line is a little high. With your grades, you really have to work hard.
  At that time, I could not hear his meaning, I thought he was making fun of my grades again, and turned my head away from him with my ponytail. The first thing I did was to get to know the people who were going to be there. A car sped by and he nervously put his arm around my shoulder. He quickly let go. He pointed to the back of the car and said, “Come on up.
  After riding in the car, he handed me an earphone with his free hand. The inside is a light Irish music, the night wind is a bit cool, he turned around and asked me if I was cold, said cold, then put his hand in his pocket. I replied loudly that I was not cold, and stubbornly put my hand on the cold iron frame.
  Whenever my classmates found me secretly messaging with Qi Chu in class, they laughed at me, not expecting you to be so shy when you are usually open-mouthed, but when you meet a boy you like, you will be so shy. I certainly do not admit it, but the mood of every message sent, waiting silently for a reply, is still very bone.
  The first thing you need to do is to get a good idea of what you’re doing. I would often look out the window at the sky and trees during study sessions, with my hand in the drawer, holding my cell phone firmly in my hand, sometimes even hallucinating that it was vibrating. When you take it out and peek at it, you find the screen is empty.
  It turns out that falling in love with someone starts with hallucinations.
  004
  How long will I be back this time. I asked him as I stirred the ice in my glass. He thought about it and said, “I can stay for two months this time. I’m not sure how much time I’ll have to spend with my parents. I look at your circle of friends, it seems to have bought a house there. He nodded and took out his phone to show me the simple decoration of the house. Australia has an abundance of sunshine, he bought a piece of land, he built a large flat between nearly 400 square feet. He said he would stay at my house when he had time to come on vacation.
  I know that it is difficult to keep such a promise, our lives have long been different, and we have very few common topics left. But still smiled and said, yes, sometime. You see, ten years later, I finally understand that some things do not have to declare their mouths, do not have to word serious. It is good to cherish the moment. For example, this moment, he did more than ten hours plane will come, the first thing is to find me dinner, and I put off work, even for the event to hide the boyfriend to eat this meal.
  The friendship is so, has been quite rich and solemn. I know I shouldn’t ask for too much. It’s just that my chest was burning, and I couldn’t tell if I was choking on the chili or something else, so I couldn’t help but pour down a cold drink. I was too anxious to drink, and finally fell into tears.
  He pulled a tissue for me and patted my back twice. The company’s main business is to provide a wide range of products and services to its customers. I complimented the air over there is good, you can see so many stars.
  I couldn’t believe it, I took his phone and looked at it carefully, but I still felt in a trance, right? This photo, you still have it. He looked up to signal the waiter to pour me a cup of hot water. The company has a one-touch import function on the phone. And then he added, but I deleted all your ugly photos. I can’t help but laugh, but still very tough to talk back, how can I have ugly photos.

   005
  The summer after high school graduation, the group organized an activity, is to go to Green Island camping. I had a date with a girl, but she temporarily canceled. In the end, I was the only one left alone, and I didn’t know anyone except Qi Chu.
  But fortunately, everyone took care of me, no matter barbecue, tent, no one let me move a hand. Perhaps I looked too thin, they tied my small tent extra firmly, saying that they were afraid I would be blown away by the wind in the middle of the night.
  Qi Chu gave me a thermos and a flashlight. Seeing that there is still light in my tent in the middle of the night, knocked on the tent and asked me if I was afraid. Seeing that I did not respond, I barged in anxiously only to find that I was catching up with the drama with headphones and was laughing my ass off. He couldn’t resist raising his hand to take a picture of me, and I chased after him to force him to delete it.
  In the middle of the fight, we fell a piece in the already sparse tent. The moment he fell to the ground, he put his hand inside my head and steadily protected the back of my head. I don’t remember who took the initiative first, we silently waited for the phone to go off screen. There was only a sliver of light in the space, and there seemed to be a dragonfly flying over my lips. I just felt myself blushing and didn’t know what to say.
  Fortunately, there was a line of starlight coming in through a gap in the tent doorway. He said, “Go look at the stars. We just sat in the tent and watched the stars for a long time. So long that I thought time had stopped and the whole world was pressed the pause button. He always held my hand, warm and dry. Then I fell asleep on his shoulder until the sky was white.
   006
  Everyone thought we would be together, but life never works out the way it should.
  Then I went to another school and he was busy with his thesis and internship. It became very busy. It’s not that I didn’t try, like revealing that there were seniors giving me gifts and saying some ambiguous and unknown things. He wasn’t jealous, he just instructed me to tell him if I fell in love.
  The time slipped to a year before he left the country, we saw a few movies and had a few late night snacks. He always called his friends, there were many and lively. I got acquainted with his friends, and once asked one of his good buddies, I said, “What does Qichu mean? He said, “Sister, you’d better like someone else. I asked why, he asked me back, is it bad to be friends? You can eat, travel, drink and watch the stars together for the rest of your life.
  After that day, I never contacted Qi Chu again. He also tacitly agreed not to ask me out for a late night drink. Later, he told me about going abroad. I happened to be busy with my internship, met in a hurry, and did not even finish a cup of coffee, I rushed to leave. He asked with a smile, you do not see me off? I said, “In what capacity? He was choked, and finally did not say anything else.
  I later thought, about the lack of some fate. The first thing you need to do is to get a good idea of what you are getting into. It may also break up. I almost blurted out. And he was silent for a long time, said yes, fortunately not at first.
  I still remember that sentence, and he said that sentence, I was caught off guard by the heartache.
  007
  It’s cold outside. Put your jacket on first. The company’s main business is to provide a wide range of products and services to its customers.
  When we parted ways, he stood at the intersection and waved at me, take care on the way. I nodded my head, you too. I walked across the road, almost to the next street, subconsciously looked back and found that he was still in the same place. I couldn’t resist calling him, why didn’t he leave yet. He said, “It’s okay, I’m used to watching you go first.
  I remembered the many times he said to me, “You go first. You hang up first. You get in the car first. It seems that he was used to seeing me from a distance, but he never wanted me to walk alongside him. I was asked by my high school classmate, “Why aren’t you together when you’re both so good?
  I feel heartbroken every time I think of this sentence, but until this time apart, I suddenly realized that such long years, we accompany each other with the identity of a spectator, but also has not been negative years.
  The future is long, some feelings let it stay where it is already very good.

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